What You Might Not Know About the Female Orgasm

Introduction

Female orgasms are wondrous things. But they can also be complicated. They can be Zen-like and connecting. But they can also be painful and uncomfortable. Simple and complex. Easy and hard. Funny and serious. Sometimes, they make total sense. Sometimes, they seem totally confusing.

Female orgasms tend to confuse the medical community too. After decades of research, scientists still don’t understand why they ‘survived’ the process of natural selection. (You know, the theory that traits only get passed on to future generations if they provide an advantage to survival.)

Their stance? Females don’t need an orgasm to ovulate or get pregnant. Orgasms don’t have any obvious, measurable health benefits. They aren’t necessary to survive, thrive, and advance.

But even if (mostly male) scientists don’t place a big value on the sanctity of sexual connection or the bonding power of a shared orgasm or the experience of knowing ourselves and our bodies better or the pleasure of experiencing pure joy, we beg to differ.

Online dictionaries have a hard time explaining the concept too. Try as they might, none of them get very close to describing the full spectrum of the experience:

• Intense or paroxysmal excitement. (merriam-webster.com).
• The physical and emotional sensation experienced at the peak of sexual excitation, usually resulting from stimulation of the sexual organ and accompanied in the male by ejaculation. (dictionary.com)
• A moment of intense pleasure that is the culmination of sex. People really enjoy orgasms. A man or woman gets an orgasm during sex, and it really doesn’t matter what kind of sex. A vulgar, slang way of saying someone is orgasming is to say they’re coming or cumming. (vocabulary.com)

Other languages don’t need quite as many characters to capture the essence of an orgasm.

The word for orgasm means “drastic excitement” in Bengali and “satisfaction is happening” in Farsi. In Vietnamese, it’s “extreme pleasure”. In Mandarin Chinese, it’s “high tide”. “Now, I’m the fire” is how they say orgasm in Finland. “I will be” is how they say it in The Czech Republic.

Whatever female orgasm means to you – whether you experience a “little death” (French) when you “get off” or feel like you’re “coming” (nine languages) when you “climax” – keep “going” (Japanese, Portugese) to learn a lot of little things you might not know about “The big O”.

Some Penetrating Thoughts About Sex

If you have trouble reaching orgasm during sex, you’re not broken. If you can’t climax from penetrative sex, you’re not weird. If you need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, you’re not alone.

There’s safety and reassurance in numbers, so here are some figures that might make you feel better if you fit into one of these camps.

• 25% of women have problems experiencing orgasm.
• 10-15% of women have never achieved an orgasm.
• 94% (not a typo) of women can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
• 37% of women (but it’s likely more) need clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm.

Orgasms are complicated and many factors can conspire against us in our sexual journey, including psychological, physical, and relationship issues. Genetics likely play a role too.

Talk to your provider. Talk to a therapist. Talk to your partner. Lighten up on the negative self-talk and keep the faith – unless you’re hellbent on experiencing an orgasm from penetrative sex.

(A recent study thinks a person’s ability to have and orgasm from penetrative sex alone is directly related to the distance between the clitoris and vagina, with 2.5 centimeters or less being the magic number.)

More Pleasing Information

While men only experience one kind of orgasm, women can have many different types, including clitoral, vaginal, cervical, anal, and blended (a mix of orgasms). Some women are able to get an orgasm through stimulation of the nipples, breasts, and other erogenous zones (think neck, ears, elbows) and through the use of sensual imagery and sounds. Some people call these “spontaneous orgasms” because they occur without any physical stimulation.

Time to Shine | Come Again

Most women take longer to reach orgasm compared to men, and that’s just part of the deal. On average, women need 15-20 minutes while men can climax in about 2-5 minutes.

It’s worth the wait for most women because, once they get there, their orgasms tend to last quite a bit longer too. The average female orgasm lasts anywhere from 15 seconds to 1 minute while a male orgasm only lasts about 5 seconds.

Almost all women are capable of experiencing multiple orgasms too. Not true for their male counterparts. People with penises have a refractory period, a stretch of time during which they are physically incapable of having another orgasm for several minutes or even days.

Fake It While You Make It | Death, Taxes, and Faking Orgasms

They are all certainties of life. Probably not a big surprise, but most women (60% or more) have faked at least one orgasm in her life. Also, contrary to popular belief, there really isn’t a tried-and-true way to know if you’re female partner had an orgasm or not. Some people make noise. Some people flush. Some people get hard nipples. But just as many people don’t.

Squirting with Disaster

Yes, it happens. Yes, we need a new name for it. Yes, it’s completely normal and some people think it’s pretty cool. No, it’s not the same thing as female ejaculation.

So, what’s the difference? Squirting occurs when fluid similar to urine is expelled from the bladder through the urethra during orgasm. Female ejaculation, which is usually thick and milky, is secreted from one of the Skene’s glands, two small ducts on both sides of the urethra that lubricates and protects the vagina during sex.

For some people, both phenomena are common. For others, they remain a mythical proposition.

Orgasms Can Obliterate Pain

Due to oxytocin and other mood-enhancing hormones released during sex, female orgasms may increase a person’s pain threshold. According to research published by the International Headache Society, 60% of people with migraines and 37% of people with cluster headaches experienced moderate to complete relief after having an orgasm.

Apparently, just thinking about sex can help alleviate pain too. So, the next time your head starts hurting, skip the Advil and reach into your imagination instead.

Something to Keep in Mind | A Little Love for Lube

If you’re struggling to orgasm, mindfulness might help. According to research published in the Journal of Sexual Research, a woman’s ability to orgasm increased by 30% after taking part in a mindfulness program., like mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy. Meditation has also been shown to help women orgasm.

Lube is another cheap and easy way to increase the odds experiencing an orgasm. According to a study from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, nearly 50% of people who use lube say it makes it easier to have an orgasm.

Get Turned On to Get Turned Off | This is Your Brain. This is Your Brain on Sex.

When you get busy ‘getting busy’, your brain gets busy too. During sex, the area behind your left eye (lateral orbitofrontal cortex) reduces activity, which is why it’s so hard (thankfully) to focus on much else besides how good everything feels in the moment. When you orgasm, the brain releases prolactin too. This hormone stimulates the olfactory bulb and heightens the sense of smell. Oxytocin, the hormone that promotes bonding and closeness, also increases. This is what makes many people want to share and become more talkative during and after sex.

Orgasms Never Get Old

Women in their forties and fifties experience orgasms more frequently than their younger counterparts. Why? It’s a guess, but likely a good one: More experience. More Confidence. Better at communicating their physical and emotional needs.

Better Together

Research shows that prolactin levels, which rise when we orgasm, increase by up to 400% following intercourse versus solo sex. While masturbation has an all-important and healthy place in the halls of sexual health and wellness, it may not produce the same physiological and psychological benefits or the same amount of satisfaction as sharing the experience with another person.

Conclusion

So, there it is. A few factoids you might not have known about female orgasms. Remember, if you’re frustrated with your ability to experience an orgasm, reach out to your healthcare professional or find a good sexual health and wellness coach or counselor in your area or online. Female orgasms can be complicated by many factors, but with a little help, most women find a way to achieve orgasms and feel much more fulfilled in the bedroom. And beyond.